Music Jokes

This is the first part of a series of posts which are simply lists of musical jokes.
I thought it would be appropriate to start with some jokes that apply to all musicians, so here goes.

What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

What do you call a musician without a significant other?

Homeless.

What would a musician do if he won a million dollars?

Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.

"Wagner's music has beautiful moments but some bad quarters of an hour."

--Rossini

"A drummer is a musician's best friend."

from a Martin Mull album.

"The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two."

-- The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce

Maestro (to Horns): "Give us the F in tune!"
Violist (to Maestro): "Please can we have the F-in' tune too?"

Definitions:

• string quartet: a good violinist, a bad violinist, an ex-violinist, and someone who hates violinists, all getting together to complain about composers.

• cadence: when everybody hopes you're going to stop, but you don't.

• music: a complex organizations of sounds that is set down by the composer, incorrectly interpreted by the conductor, who is ignored by the musicians, the result of which is ignored by the audience.

• cello: the proper way to answer the phone.

I found all of these jokes on the website http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/jokes/

Visit it if you want to see even more musical jokes. I just thought these were the best.
Please leave comments, and come back in three days for the next post.